

Generally, you should use a cloth tape measure to measure dick. There are instructions online if you look.
Also, 8 inches to the hilt is often not pleasant, so work with your partner and learn how deep your sigmoid colon is, and take it slow. Big ol’ dick slamming into a wall is not fun unless you are very particularly into it.
Facebook canning groups are a great idea, as someone else mentioned. Them little old ladies can do pretty amazing things on short notice. Can I suggest hitting up local churches? The methodists, Episcopal and baptists are all particularly fond of doing drives and such, and may be able to do an impromptu canning drive for y’all