Until then, look out Jean!

The ones where the plastic shield pressing against the box makes the little teeth plunge into the tape are friggin’ orgasmic.

When the robo-bunnies get invasive, we’ll send in robot coyotes, etc.

Add $75 for each pet if allowed! My buddy was apartment hunting recently and was given a rental agreement that said he would have a deductible on repairs and would have to cover anything over $250. The landlord was just looking to scam and sue someone for repairs he had to do to keep up to code. America’s cooked indeed.

Bash fash?

Pour Some Urine on Me, my Leper Friend.

“Bogey down, skills issue. Can I get an F on comms, over.”

The band Gay for Johnny Depp has a song that ends with the line, “if you’ve never read a newspaper and you want to be all you can be, join the army.”

Is this the bottom half of Loss?

I once sat next to a family from our local car dealer commercials in a restaurant and they spent the entire time talking about their recent trip to Paris. The whole conversation was about how the food wasn’t American enough and the cable at the hotel didn’t have their shows. Nothing about sights or culture or experiences.

People at work tell me my phone voice is so nice and soothing, but they don’t know it’s shaving hours off my life each time like a cigarette.

I need something to pay attention to while I’m piloting my 3 ton pedestrian shredding murder machine. What am I supposed to do, look at the road? Boring! Get Crossy Road and YouTube Shorts up in this bitch, stat.

My tag team partner Yahweh and I are about to turn your firstborn into 24-in pythons, Brother!

I call that the Dutch lift.