As others have said, it’s a life long thing, but a lot of the patterns can be brought on in people who don’t have it with consistent sleep deprivation and a state of tiredness and exhaustion. If you’re starting to relate more and more to ADHD memes well into adulthood, try to get a few nights of good sleep!
I’ve been impressed with my set of bamboo blend underwear from Boody, specifically the underpants. I bought like 8 pairs over a decade ago, and when I bought another set a few years ago and mixed them into the old pairs it was hard to tell the difference. I machine wash them and air dry them and they’ve held up extremely well. They’re so soft and comfortable I can’t really feel them when they’re on, which is remarkable because I have trouble filtering sensory things.
They’ve held up so well after hundreds of wears I feel good recommending them to others. They ARE very simple, but they come in a variety of fits and colors.
My understanding is that the ADHD brain activity resembles an NT’s when they’re extremely tired or sleep deprived, with a lot of theta wave activity. Stimulants can help jog an ADHD person’s brain into alpha and beta waves, which are associated with relaxation or alertness and focus.
Oops, fixed
I wonder if she has or had one of the models with the filter trap? I thankfully have one with the composter thing but if I had to clean year old moldy spaghetti remnants out of a filter I can definitely see making that rule.
Sounds like you need to watch one of Lemmy’s favorite videos
Technology Connections - Your dishwasher is better than you think
Depo was great for me but it causes loss of bone density in the long term 😔 have you considered the implant?
We have a Jackery and we’re quite happy with it. It’s come in handy for a lot of random uses and they have a wide variety of charging options and capacities so you only pay for what you need. Battery life is good, build quality is good, we have no complaints.
I just bought a bunch of onesies and toddler clothes directly from Carter’s and the Children’s Place. They do seasonal sales and loyalty points so I actually got a better deal than on Amazon. Got the packages within 5 days each. I bought diapers from Target, they came in two days and I got a $20 giftcard as part of the deal. Next time you need something, try going directly to the brand’s website, or literally any other retailer. Amazon spams search results but they aren’t the only store on the internet.
Yep, for just about everything you get on Amazon there are alternatives. You just go to the supplier that sells the thing you need instead. Amazon hasn’t had real 2 day shipping in a long time. If you really need that “everything store” experience, Ebay, Target and Walmart all have decent online marketplaces but might as well use the smaller stores. What’s keeping you on Amazon? It sure as hell isn’t its search, and tons of sites offer free, fast shipping. I have to assume it’s habit.
I’ve been extremely impressed with the longevity and all around toughness of my Dell Precision. I think it’s gotta be 12 years old now, it weighs a ton, been dropped multiple times, and while I replaced its disk and memory at some point it has never suffered a hardware failure. The thing is a tank, I love it.
I had a therapist who specialized in working with ADHD adults and she was very good about calling me out on my “shoulds”. She would say “who told you that?” or “why do you feel that way?” or “where does that belief come from?” just about every time a “should” came out of my mouth. It was a really good practice in reframing, and making me realize I was feeling external pressures by comparing myself to others, or not giving myself the time and space I needed to accomplish the things that would satisy me. I’d encourage everyone in this thread to try getting to the bottom of your “shoulds”, it’s helped me understand and be kinder to myself.
In your situation, I would try giving him something that needs to go inside or something to share with his family. It’s harder to stay outside chatting when you’re holding something awkward. Next time he comes out, do a little polite small talk and then try offering a bowl of potato salad or some other food or dessert that’s somewhat heavy or needs to go in the fridge, and you’ll simultaneously be both a nice, kind neighbor and have an excuse to constantly nudge him to go back inside. “That’s pretty heavy, you should get that inside”, “it’s been nice chatting but you should go put that in the fridge”, “I bet your family would like to try that, do you want to see if your wife wants some?”.
Maybe he’ll go inside and then come back out again, but if it works you have an “out” that keeps things friendly. It’s worth trying at least once to see if it works.
I’m sorry to say, but sometimes there’s nothing to talk about, especially if you talk with someone every single day…
Sure but then why not watch Stranger Things with her? Or even just share memes? Invite her to play a game? There are ways to interact over long distance that don’t involve constant talking. It sounds like she’s been looking for any kind of quality time with him or interactions she’s not actively driving herself.
The concerns about his mental state and depression are valid, and worth a discussion, but it’s also not her job or responsibility to “fix” him. If he shows no interest in help or being helped then that’s on him. If he doesn’t want to talk to her about it and she ends their relationship that’s also a consequence of his inaction.
From the outside and from what you’ve said it sounds like you’ve been staying together through momentum. When I was in my 20s I was in a long term relationship with my teen sweetheart and it felt like an impossibly massive thing to break up with him. We had been together for ten years and called each other our soul mates. The relationship wasn’t working though, for a multitude of reasons, and I realized we had made it all up in our heads. It was on me to take action for the sake of my happiness. Now every time I think about it I wonder why the hell I didn’t break up with him sooner. The unknown is scary, but change is an opportunity for things to get better.
It’s normal to grow apart as you become mature people and diverge in your life paths, interests and values. It sounds to me like you’re single handedly keeping this relationship together. Why does it have to be all on you? What do you think would happen if you just didn’t initiate contact? How long do you think it would take him to act?
If he’s not invested in your relationship, why should you be?
Yes, the first one is goofy but it did the whole “what would an actually average person do with superhero powers” shtick before it was cool, and managed to make it funny and pretty sweet too.
I’ll give you that it’s been longer than I realized since the base game came out, however, Beyond Earth came out 10 years ago (2014) and Alpha Centauri was 25 years ago.
I don’t think dishes and laundry are a socio-economic problem unless you’re implying all ADHD people should always be able to afford household help and assistance. Plenty of people with disabilities and challenges have to deal with chores as a function of being alive, including ADHD people. It’s a part of existence that your clothes will need washing, trash will need to be taken out, and I agree that not doing them is a bad thing. The timetable, the consequences of inaction, the associated stress, all of that can be variable and that is where flexibility should be given, but ffs ADHD people should and need to do chores too.
I’ve always been one that tries to fix before we replace, and that’s lead me to a few things like soldering some loose connectors on electronics, or basic small engine repair like an oil change and installing a spark plug. I like making things so I’ve been slowly expanding my experience levels with various interesting power tools. I can install insulation, mud and sand drywall, stain and refinish furniture, that kind of thing.
However, if I think about things that are truly flipping the script on gender roles, probably the most masculine “skill” I have is the ability to assertively ask for what I want and delegate tasks to others. It seems almost foreign to other women outside of a business context.
This was particularly noticeable when I lived in the American south as a caretaker for a family member. Some of the conservative biddies we had over to visit sometimes would make little passive aggressive snarky comments and the exchange would go something like this.
“Oh, I didn’t know where to put my trash, the bin is just overflowing with garbage so I left it on the counter”
“You’re right, we usually put the trash in the bin in the garage, spare bags are under the sink, just make sure to close the lid when you’re done”
“Oh, uh…” (palpable confusion)
“Thanks for helping out!” (direct eye contact, pleasant smile)
(flustered acquiescence)
It would throw them for a loop so hard it was consistently hilarious. They clearly expected me to bashfully apologize or get all defensive or shamed at the state of the house in some pecking order power play. Lol. You brought it up, have fun getting it delegated to you.