I’m in one of those story hyperfixations now and I’m legitimately scared of it ending. Finding it was my solution to a terrible slump I got stuck in. I finished a great game that hit just right, but there was nothing like it to follow up with. Now I’m several months and hundreds of hours into a massive series and I’m going to crash so hard when it’s over. But I don’t want to slow down either, so I’m just enjoying it while I can and barreling towards my own oblivion.

It’s internalized ableism related to being told their whole lives they’re so smart and talented if only they weren’t so lazy. We’re extremely capable - sometimes. The rest of the time we struggle at the most basic of everyday tasks that normal people find trivial. Now combine that with late diagnosis. That’s a lot of years being told you should be better and wondering why you’re not. At the very least, it’s an extremely specific kind of low self esteem.

It may not be solely caused by dopamine levels, but the experience is common among many ADHD sufferers and our brain chemistry does predispose us to responding to that in certain ways (which is why we can break out of that pattern more easily when medicated).

Just about every aspect of linguistics has always fascinated me, even basic phonetics. I didn’t have much opportunity to study foreign language until I was older though, which I still regret. If I started earlier I probably would have gone a lot farther. Despite several years of intense Japanese study, my ability at using it is still poor. I keep practicing what I have even now though.

I was mostly avoiding writing a 12 paragraph comment. Any diet or self image issue taken to the extreme is an eating disorder. The most important lesson there is don’t take it to extremes. For people who struggle to diet in the first place, it’s not impossible but also not likely for the pendulum to swing that far in the opposite direction.

But if It ever did get to that point, no matter how or why, it’s not shameful or embarrassing and you can ask for help. Everybody just wants to see you healthy.

I’m only a sample size of one, but I lost half my weight and have kept it off for over a decade. I’m still borderline overweight, but healthy. There was no single trick, but the biggest thing was just sticking to it long enough. Once my body got used to being a lower weight, I was way less tempted to eat such large portions. The reframing I posted was taught to me by my therapist and helped me get to that point.

You gotta be in it for the long haul, but it’s long and difficult so take anything you can get to ease the journey. The easier it is, the more likely you will make it to the end.

It always helped me to think of hunger as winning. Hunger is the goal. Hunger is weight loss. If I’m hungry, it’s not a thing to be fixed. It’s what I want! I win! I’m hungry? Hell yeah.

Get your dopamine from hunger instead.

I only mentioned it because it took me a long time to realize, and if you ever try again I hope it helps.

Even after getting a diagnosis my brain keeps moving the goalposts, so I get it. Now I keep thinking things like: “it’s just one opinion”, “maybe they were being generous”, etc. I don’t know if I’ll ever give myself a damn break. But I can easily say the words to other people.

The fact is, getting ADHD properly diagnosed is extremely variable. Some people are much easier to diagnose, and some doctors are much better. Those of us still figuring this out later in life aren’t the easy cases, and a lot of doctors won’t look too hard. It doesn’t make your case any less valid. It just means you have to work that much harder to get the right diagnosis - while struggling with a condition that literally makes it harder.

I pointed out to the doctor that tested me how I could answer many questions as a 1 or a 5 depending on how I interpreted it. For example, “have problems with being on time.” I could say never or almost never, or I could say the overwhelming fear of losing track of time and being late ensures I’ll do nothing beforehand and leave way too early out of boredom/anxiety.

In the end I put 5 because what they’re looking for is if you’ve struggled with these problems for your whole life. Learning and implementing coping mechanisms isn’t an argument against that struggle, it’s evidence for it.

But for what it’s worth, I answered 1 the first time I took one of those and went 12 more years without getting diagnosed. I think about that a lot.

The easiest way is to ask questions. Even neurotypicals get themselves into trouble by making too many assumptions. So try not to. When somebody tells you about something that they seem to like talking about, ask them more about it. Even better, ask them if they’d be okay telling you more about it to make sure you didn’t assume incorrectly that they liked that subject. Ask them about things they care about or put effort into, like their clothes if they have a funny t-shirt or a nice looking outfit. Once you know a person better, you can even ask them how they like to be treated and how they like to have conversations.

Just stay curious about everything and avoid making assumptions. That alone will make you better at conversation than a lot of people.

I thought about my answer before opening the comments and I feel validated to find you already posted it verbatim.

Online dating is brutal and something I learned to avoid. But if you go that route, don’t make it more than it is. If you think of any part of it as a once in a blue moon opportunity, you’re going to go through hell with nothing to show for it. For both practical results and your mental health, it can’t feel important. When you’re lonely and trying to find someone, it’s really hard to get into that mentality, but it’s crucial.

A match is nothing. Meeting up for the first time is barely interesting. Don’t expect anything from it. Don’t get your hopes up. It’s literally just a conversation. So go into it looking to have a fun conversation. Having fun with it is winning because it makes you more fun to be around, and even if you only have fun conversations you’re still having fun.

Fun is the goal. If you end up making a friend or two out of it, that’s a bonus. You might meet even more people through those new friends. Keep at it long enough and the numbers work in your favor. But that could be a while, so this is just some fun thing you do, like your daily Duolingo lesson. Neither is that serious or useful … but kinda. ish.

Full disclosure, I’m not officially diagnosed yet, but hopefully will be within a few weeks.

I stream and, as you’d expect, most of the other streamers I follow and get along with are either openly neurodivergent or I notice the signs. The tags I’ve seen include Autism, ADHD, AuDHD, Neurodivergent, and task related keywords like Body Doubling. I would also say that the game matters. If you are looking for games you’re already into, chances are they probably appeal to other neurodivergent folk as well. But if you’re more interested in fun people and good communities regardless of game, the factory games like Factorio and Satisfactory are an obvious gold mine.

I’d rather not post my channel as I’m not trying to advertise and I keep it separate from my other online accounts, but I think the above should dig up plenty. If not, I might be able to give suggestions if I knew more about what you’re looking for. It depends on how familiar I am with it. I don’t really follow a lot of popular games or streamers.

Just to add: education and diagnosis is getting better, but there are still a lot of psychologists and psychiatrists who have little to no education on adult ADHD. They can use the diagnostic criteria meant for children and often get it wrong. You may find a provider who has updated their education, but the best chance of an accurate diagnosis is to look for somebody that specializes in diagnosing adult ADHD specifically. If the diagnosis involves a detailed history and several appointments with multiple tests, that’s a good sign. If it’s just regular 30-60 minute meetings where you talk and they say you don’t have it, get a second opinion from someone who specializes in this.

You would probably get some good tips from an ADHD community, though the tips here have been good too.

I think you’re overwhelmed, which is probably obvious but it may help to state it plainly. When I’m overwhelmed, it helps if I give myself permission to just drop everything for a bit. Whatever stuff I think I need to get done isn’t going to get done anyway and stressing about it isn’t helping, so I take a breather. Then I start with just basic self care, however much I can manage. I can’t stand going without a shower so that’s a first. Eating might wait if it’s really bad, but I have some meal replacement shakes for emergencies when I really can’t do anything else. I’ll probably isolate and ignore people for a little bit, but if I do it right I start to feel up to talking before too many days go by. But by dropping everything and then adding it back one thing at a time, I stop feeling so overwhelmed.

The world finds a way to keep on going even as we sit still and catch our breath. Trauma and anxiety just make us feel like we might die if we don’t do the things, even though it’s almost never that dire. We have very intense feelings - and it is important to give yourself space to feel and process them - but they are just temporary feelings and you do not have to believe them.

Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I know I’ll get there in the end because it’s the right diagnosis. But help like this gets me there a lot faster.

I appreciate the reassurance at least. I still think the results will be skewed from what they would be if I didn’t have that level of familiarity and practice, but I can at least hope it won’t be significant enough to matter. Or, better yet, that more weight will be placed on the human elements like actually talking with me. I guess mostly it’s just wanting to actually feel heard and understood instead of having my concerns and experiences dismissed yet again. We wouldn’t still be undiagnosed in our forties if people listened.

Yeah, any kind of electronic or reaction based test concerns me a little because I’ve been a gamer my entire life, so my experience doing similar activities is going to affect my results when compared against a control that hasn’t spent almost 40 years practicing. Fucking up on purpose doesn’t seem great either, but it’s definitely something I’ve thought about if I found myself in that situation. It would be really nice if I didn’t need to, but that’s wishful thinking.

I’m well set up for telehealth and I really appreciate the info! I’ll definitely take a look. If I can find a local place that accepts insurance, that would be a big help financially, but I’m glad to have somewhere to look if that doesn’t pan out for any number of reasons.

I’m interested if it’s not too much trouble. My current plan is to try and find any local resources or recommendations for doctors specializing in adult ADHD specifically. I was going to get around to that after the holidays. For sure. Probably.

So I’m always down for more info and more possible avenues I can explore. Especially since I don’t know if I’ll find what I’m looking for. Or when.

What kind of help are you offering? I’m 42 and recent events have pushed me to seek the official diagnosis, but my last attempt was a blatant waste of time. The psychiatrist wasn’t even interested in the possibility.

The term narcissist is somewhat overused, though there are also a lot of them these days. To echo a bit of what others said, thinking average high schoolers are dumb is not a sign of narcissism. Average high schoolers are notoriously foolish. Even if you feel like it’s more than that and it’s a serious problem, that alone does not make a narcissist.

Actual narcissists are unstable. They need the adoration of others to feel good about themselves. They’re prone to fits of rage when anything damages their ego, and they can take just about anything as criticism then decide to fly off the handle.

If that is you, get help from a professional who specializes in it. If anyone reading this knows a person like that, read up and find a way to save yourself.

Steins;Gate. It starts slow, but once it picks up it’s amazing and puts all that slow build up to good use. Not sure if it technically counts though. Visual novels are a weird middle ground that aren’t really book or game, but there are some really good ones. Definitely the way to go if you’re in more of a reading mood but want some art and music to go with it.